Hate Watch: Dancing With the Stars: Super Bowl Week (And the Controversy)
I’ve given up on hating some things. I’m not saying I love DWTS, but I definitely look forward to it, despite the gripes I still very much have.
And…I still think the themes are weird - like, couldn’t we just have like, an Italian Night, a Night at the Movies or like, Broadway night? Super Bowl? It’s esoteric again, like, what EXACTLY counts? Lots of people were in the Super Bowl. Are we only going most memorable? Is football included?
Well, the answer to the football question is YES. They make that clear right away, what with all the mesh jersey shirts and NFL trophies and stuff. It’s not my thing, but it’ll be cute for an episode.
Now the elephant in the room is, me being behind meant I was spoilered on some stuff ahead of time, including that this episode has caused a huge controversy and a pro suspension - and a LOT of discourse you can’t avoid unless you were actually sequestered. I didn’t watch any of the performances ahead of time though, despite really having been looking forward to Julia Stiles reclaiming her Julliard audition piece from Save the Last Dance.
While I wasn’t looking, they added a fourth judge. There’s a weird guy on our judges table. A weird guy with white hair. Who is this guy? Evidently he’s Joe Buck, and PLEASE WATCH NFL. YOU LOVE NFL. REMEMBER NFL. IT’S NFL SEASON.
I mean, I love a good tailgate as much as the next person who doesn’t really care about football too much but like, we get it, we need to be watching football. I guess this show reminds me of when a company would sponsor the entire Great Pumpkin special on TV. Take that for what you will. Let’s go do some Super Bowll related dancing!
Maura - Tango - Only Girl in the World - Rihanna
Sometimes I hate the little packages they play before the dancing, sometimes I don’t. I thought Maura’s story about loving Rihanna so much and meeting her only to wipe snot on her jacket was genuine and hilarious, so good job, B-Roll shootin’ people.
Injury stuff is no fun so it stinks that her neck is giving her issues. And that she has tango this week because if any dance would hurt your neck for sure it’s tango, what with all the snapping your head to the side and such. This was sharp though, with no sign of a problem, and though her frame dropped sometimes, from my perspective, though it’s not perfect, she’s killing it. Also: What a costume!
Of course we throw to our new guest judge first. Joe Buck has some sort of announcer job at the NFL? I dunno. I would’ve looked it up but it’s not really important other than he’s the NFL guy in the room making sure NFL YOU MUST NFL.
I don’t mind the guy. He’s nice enough, if sorta C-suite fake clever, but it just feels like an obligation move instead of an exciting one. Could be me. Back to Maura’s dance!
Bruno calls it supremely elegant and precise, and I think that’s a good assessment. Carrie says some of the movements could be more punctuated, and I saw that. Derek notes a great top line, but that the neck went too far back. He asks for more attack, more fire, and more energy.
We’re about to get the scores, when no we didn’t. That is, in fact, a reason to take a shot in the DWTS drinking game I recently heard about, so bottoms up if you’re playing. This will not go well.
We get 8 from Carrie, 8 from Derek, 9 from Joe who’s probably there to pass out good marks like candy, and an 8 from Bruno.
Wait how does the math work with 4 judges and audience stuff? I need a visual.
Jackson Olson - Salsa - Uptown Funk - Bruno Mars
See, I think Jackson caught some of the brunt of the Guillermo phenomenon, because I feel like he has so much pressure on him because Guillermo continues to get past. He’s a solid mid pack person constantly placed below a bottom pack person, and there’s at least one time he shouldn’t have been in danger.. That does make me mad, and it does make me like the show less.
Meanwhile, in the package, Jackson’s not instilling confidence, and this is his really busy week, because they’re doing Banana Bowl while he’s doing this. And they lost their game. I’m gonna hope for a win for him here.
There are a lot of backup dancers and a lot of gold going on. This fits him well and plays to his strength. His cheese is more refined, like an indulgent raclette instead of some spray cheese.
This plays to his strengths. OMG, the cheese is more refined here. Like a good Gouda or something.
Complicated lifts. Cool. Ok. He still isn’t the best, but he’s certainly improving, and those lifts are killer. I love how good he felt about it at the end. He was pumped.
Alfonso immediately after I said that “Oh you hyped on that one”
He did.
Bruno calls it footloose, fancy free and invites him to join a boy band. And I mean, i agree. He also said he’s improved incredibly, though notes under arm passes need work. He’s taking the coaching well, and Bruno’s giving it in a nice way.
Carrie notes that his confidence kicked in and says he was “kicking ass” before asking “can we say that?” You just did. She says he’s gonna need to fine tune a few things, and then she makes a weird gesture the audience goes nuts for.
Derek notes there was lots of content and that he committed and owned it, and had a “bowl glow’ - which, do you get a glow when your team loses Derek?
Joe’s a big fan of baseball, naturally. Loves what the Bananas do. He mentions this was in Jackson’s wheelhouse, and Ok, I agree there.
Now we’re getting an ensemble dance, to Beyonce’s Bootylicious. Weird choice of song for her on Super Bowl night, but what the hell do I know. Britt Stewart makes an appearance, and I’m trying to think why I’ve heard things about her lately. Is this part of the rumors from this episode? I don’t know. I’m pretty far behind.
Again with Julianne’s outfit. I can’t. Someone in wardrobe hates her. I even did the research. It’s Balenciaga? It really really just is too weird.
Back to Jackson’s scores.
8, 8, 8, 7 from Bruno - who reminds him to smooth the links. I mean, this is great. He did good.
Amber Glenn - Samba - Mi Gente - J Balvin
They went down on the leaderboard last week. That upside down split went viral though. I mean, she’s a figure skater, that’s a classic. This entire ‘package’ is weird and awkward though.
The set is a full on jungle, and her costume is amazing. As she starts the dance I’m not so sure of her connection with her partner, but once the backup dancers get going, she goes wild. I love this for her, and it feels like she’s really connecting with him well by midway through. She’s got some great footwork too. It all works, including hair and makeup and wardrobe.
Seriously, who in wardrobe hates Julianne though?
Carrie tells Amber she ate that samba, and while she presents it as awkwardly as a boomer presents these sorts of slang terms, I don’t disagree. She points out the towel section in particular and I can’t disagree. Great samba roll, great scarf section. No notes.
Derek said she was out the gate confident and fierce, and echoes the praise on the samba roll.
Joe says “that was hot” and “Am I allowed to say this?” and like…ok.
Bruno gives us “in it on it like a car bonnet” which…I mean, ok. He tells her she was like a hammer on anything, and that she’s playing with it, then tells her to do that in every dance. I love Bruno. I think he’s a really fair, really positive, fun judge.
We get the scores, 8, 9, 9, 8 in order. I’m a little surprised Bruno didn’t go 9, but he’s tougher than people assume he’ll be.
Now we get a big ol’ ad for a Michael Jackson doc. This show definitely has bloatware, and even though I might check that out, it’s still annoying.
Tyler - Jazz - The Time - Black Eyed Peas
Tyler has a bedazzled hammer. I don’t know this song by Black Eyed Peas, and I don’t know much of anything right now.
Tyler is still awkward, but he can do lifts really well - and honestly, I’m impressed. Power he has. The song choice is so weird, and he’s throwing her like a football. Shawna’s outshining him a little, but I also think he’s being choreographed as a background piece on purpose. There’s a lot of things that
The Time is the song. I don’t know this one.
Yeah, he’s still awkward. But he can do lifts really well.
Song choice is so weird. He’s really getting some air when he’s tossing her, but she’s still outshining him. I think they’re choreographing him in the background on purpose because he is so behind the others, and hoping people don’t notice. Also, it seems like weak dancers dance for less time - has anyone noticed that or am I crazy?
Derek throws Tyler a comparison to Swayze and gives him an A for effort. He tells him it was fun to watch but that it’s still not enough, and honestly, he’s right.
Joe, being Mr. NFL, is proud of him. Calls him a big dude, and tells him he’s surprising him. I think he kinda has the feeling everyone has that this may be one of his last weeks.
Bruno also throws out a Dirty Dancing comparison and I did see that in the swag, and gives him his flowers for listening to what was said and improving his timing. He mentions the lines and adds in a nod to Gene Kelly , and says he appreciates the hard work. It feels conciliatory.
Carrie says that the dance was exciting and mentions the lifts right away - and I agree, the lifts were great. She says he’s becoming a dancer and had good spatial awareness.
Julianne gets to ask weird questions.
The judges give 8s and 7s in equal measure. Tyler gives a sports interview to send us out.
Connor - Samba - Hips Don’t Lie - Shakira
It’s weird to note when certain people play the super bowl because Shakira should’ve beenw ay bck but was 2020? I mean i get it, you kinda gotta hit superstar status. It’s just a time warp.
Back to scoring and how good dancers go home. I think that’s palpable this season. I blame the show for being blatant.
Fringe pants. Kinda a fun reveal.
Oh his footwork in the beginning was kinda great. I’m getting some seriousness. That’s good.
Looks a little tired. Cool twirling section. Solo work not great.
Joe: fun relatable
Bruno: those pants job at the car wash with that. Lol. upstairs downstairs. Relation with rylee great. Hides multitude of sins, not the correct hip foot action, there’s work to do. He’s the hard judge.
Carrie: threw a lot of content, good humor, no bounce action. She gets booed but she’s right on that. Timing off again. Wasn’t her best.
Derek: Love the goat. Your performance, joy and energy good. Technique not great. Timing, weight transference. Keep working on it, we’ll see you next week.
He was not confident, she thought he did great cuz it was really hard
6, 6, 7, 6
They don’t seem to want him to go, but they voted him lowest. That’s fair though.
Julia - Jazz - Jenny from the Block - Jennifer Lopez
Wait, Julia Stiles did Hustlers with J-Lo? I had no idea, which seems a huge oversight on my radar from that era for both Julia and J-Lo. We all have blind spots.
And she’s finally enjoying dancing. These are good good things. Meanwhile, because I’m writing this from long after it aired (I’m sorry I got so behind, we had all the Halloween content to bring you!). I knew that Julia Stiles took back the Save the Last Dance dance ahead of time because it was pretty unavoidable in the media afterwards. I didn’t realize that that hadn’t been revealed before the broadcast IRL. That’s kinda cool.
Ezra says that there’s rules they’re breaking with this one, but it’s worth it for a chance at a do-over, and I think everyone and the network execs agree with you, based on the amount of coverage it got. It is, however, interesting knowing what I know now about the episode and its rule-following controversy.
I digress because in reality I was slack-jawed most of the time. She really gave it everything, and made it look really good. I had down “This is millennial pandering. I don’t care if it breaks the rules, that was amazing.”
The song choice worked, the routine worked, I just love this.
Alfonso bought it heart and soul too, and that’s why I love him.
Bruno said that Julia “got in the groove brilliantly” and had a hidden talent for hip hop. To be fair, she really sealed the deal with the hip-hop section. “It’s a tribute to your own hit” Bruno said, and praised her interpretation and how she played the character.
Carrie says: Wrong movie, but we just got served. I appreciate the enthusiasm? She said it’s “so good, so wonderful, that confidence and grit” and I think that was exciting. Even in the movie, doing that routine as much as she is or isn’t, she had serious face and the stakes were high, so it’s something else to see her as herself actually enjoy dancing and be great at it. It’s just feel-good.
Derek goes in for a hug and tells Julia “we were all waiting for that!” and I think, yeah, we were. She killed it. That was epic.
Joe - Oh yes, Joe’s here. I forgot. He said it’s not easy to dance to J-Lo - and mentions watching rehearsals when she was in the Super Bowl and how fast everyone moved. He says “You could’ve been on stage with her.” And he’s not wrong. I mean, in this case, I feel like he’s drawing from experience and that’s a real compliment.
Show over. Wrap it up. And that’s how Julia felt too:
“I’ve been wanting to do that for 25 years” -
DRINK! Because they’re making us wait through a break. This is a party foul, you can’t do that to us with Julia! I hates you, commercials!
8, 8, 9, 8 are the eventual scores. I feel like one of the judges who are regularly on the show owed Julia a 9 here. That wasn’t just “redoing it” that was “doing the thing and doing it one better.”
I do have a horse in the game, y’see.
Tatyana - Salsa - Squabble Up - Kendrick Lamar
The 6 hurt her feelings last week. I bet. Because on top of her presence in my childhood TV watching, I love her. She seems so sweet and sincere. She mentions in the leadup package that she loves Kendrick, and that salsa is something she grew up with in her family. This sets high expectations for me, and I hope we see it. I’m rooting for her.
Again, the dress is stunning. I’m nervous! But for nothing, because Tatyana owns the floor when she walks out on it. She looks natural, sexy, and is giving all the attitude. Most of what I wrote in my notes was “Oh hello. GIRL. OH MY GOD.”
Is it possible this was even better than Julia Stiles? But she’s my super biased favorite.
Alfonso was into it.
Carrie saw the improvement but said it was a little internalized still. I saw NONE of that. Derek said he loves watching her, but that it was too laid back for a sa- and I really wanted him to stop talking and ruining it here. He also tells her to finish steps and close her feet. I swear Alfonso is mad about this and in the moment so am I. Getting emotional this week.
Bruno states the most obvious thing he could and calls her a “sexy mama” which, OF COURSE, WE HAVE EYES. He says she’s simmering under the skin, and challenges her to bring an Angela Bassett, Tina Turner energy to the rest of her time here. I think he’s seeing greatnes in her. I do too.
If they score her too low I will flip a table.
Tatyana scores: 7, 7, 8, 7. I feel like it’s a little low.
Julianne can’t count. This is her first 8? Oh my god I can’t stand Julianne as host. It’s actually awkward. I feel bad because again, I’m sure she’s perfectly nice but I cannot in any way vibe with her. It’s awkward and off-putting and seriously, the outfits.
Guillermo and Witney
I am not in fact entertained anymore by the Guillermo of it all. Let’s see what happens.
Bad Bunny. And ok, naturally. I hope he makes it fun. Again, I don’t think he’s a bad person but at this point we should’ve actually been off this. Again, a huge set piece is in place as we get this thing going.
And: he actually danced in this. A decent amount. Sadly I think it ends here but that’s the worst part. This was the one week he probably really shouldn’t go and he’s probably going to. The problem with him being essentially Miss Congeniality is that you’ve done him a disservice, too, for exactly this reason. He’s been around too long, and we’re feeling that exhaustion/frustration with it already, so the pressure is on to send him home. He’s actually improving and it finally shows this week, but if they keep him, the gimmick won’t work anymore. Forget all of that though because he’s a person who was genuinely trying reduced down to entertainment value, and that’s a genuine gripe. It’s kind of why I don’t like his “character” on his own show, either, because it seems like he’s viewed through a lens of condescension. I don’t like feeling like I should pity a person in any show.
Derek says, blah blah blah, you should headline the Super Bowl. What a surprise he would say something like that! Big gestures and exclamations about how entertaining and clever he is and how much swag he has.
It’s pandering, and that’s even more annoying because this week there was dancing to critique.
Joe: Oh good, someone who knows less about dancing but will still pander for the network. He says that “all 3 of you are getting better.” and honestly though you could call it a gimmick I’ve loved the journey of increasingly pregnant pro working with a really novice dancer and I think Guillermo genuinely feels a lot of affection for Witney. She seems like she respects him, too.
He says that Guillermo took the notes and pulled out a Bruno impression on top of it. Ok, well, I underestimated Joe Buck here. He had more intelligent things to say than Derek in this case and that’s kinda bothersome.
Bruno says they had plenty of movement, lots of steps, and he could feel the burn. He also said there was plenty to think about. Like why set up a perfectly nice guy to keep winning when it’s not fair only to eliminate him when he’s finally taken the step up. Why’d we script this part of the competition like that? I at least feel a slight implication of this in his comments.
Carrie loves to try the new slang, and it’s sorta fun to watch it be incomprehensible. She says “Witney can do it all. She says Guillermo brought the goods and called her out, and he did a good job.
He gets a mix of sixes and fives, and as I said, this isn’t fun anymore.
Jenna DeWan - Pasa Doble - Bad Romance - Lady Gaga
If there’s anything to cheer me up it’s Lady Gaga. The dresses are impeccable for this, and Gaga always hits, so I’m hoping the music works too. And immediately, I feel wrong about that because while Jenna is doing fierce things, I feel like the pasa doble and Bad Romance may be sorta whackadoo.
I feel distracted by that. I also feel like this is a little cheesy. There was a lot of complicated stuff at the end that was really well executed.
I’m right in the middle on this. She’s really good, but this wasn’t really lighting any fires in me.
Joe Buck has no idea what a pasa doble is, but assumes she crushed it, and can’t often tell who the pro is.
Bruno calls her “incandescent, brilliant start to finish” and praises her power and Spanish lines. He says it’s a beautiful expression of Spain. I guess the song didn’t freak him out any. Carrie says it was the first touchdown of the night, and that she was in the zone and had great artistry. Derek said it had power, precision and was a championship performance. Ok, well I wasn’t on the same hype train these folks all got on, but it wasn’t bad either.
We get a group dance with the NFL time, sparkly footballs…and I can’t remember anything after sparkly footballs, because I just…want that.
The judges confer and they give her 9s all around.
Harry Shum Jr - Samba -Yeah - Usher
Harry is very into Usher, it’s cute. They want to push him to the limit and that’d be fun to see. I think he’s gonna pull this off just fine. They gave him a sort of weird outfit, but he’s pulling attitude anyway. I like the ensemble thing with all the backup this episode.
I feel like he leans a little too Broadway all the time and it doesn’t entirely feel like samba to me.
But it’s good.
Going to the judges - Bruno says he’s leader of the pack in this and played it beautifully. He says it felt like an event, and that it was spectacular freestyle but it’s not a samba. Well, yeah…He says no heel leads, you’re overclipping it, and it should be a samba. That’s not really on him though…
Carrie agrees with Bruno, and says it was a great halftime show but not a samba, and that he needs more content in his dances (I honestly thought he’s always had a lot of content -he’s just good at it.) She tells him to challenge himself more, and then the words:
“And there was a lift.”
It went silent when she said it, and I think it’s because it was a harsh delivery (remember, this is from before the controversy - my notes only looked at what was happening in the episode with no outside context.
“A lift?” Harry’s pro says. She also says she thought it was if the partner did it. It’s like a live challenge in baseball, but this isn’t normal for this show.
Carrie actually takes out the book and reads it. Honestly it felt really harsh. The pro didn’t seem like she was being awful by asking, she just seems genuinely stunned they’re basically scoring down for a lift in this “samba not samba” situation - and at least according to what I wrote in my notes, there were several other sambas with lifts.
“She was too aggressive about that” - that’s what I wrote in my notes, not knowing what the situation would turn out to be.
Bruno and Derek shoot some looks, and another pro in the background looks absolutely pissed. They cut over to Derek, who’s not got a lot of time, and he says it was a fantastic performance but he agrees on the promenade run criticism and heel leads, but that he’s an amazing performer.
Joe looks like he just walked into the room while his parents were arguing and honestly, this has taken the entire vibe of the show down entirely. No one seems sure what to do. He gives it a “great, effortless, awesome” and they make some weird cuts as dancers walk back. There’s still obvious commotion no matter how they cut it. By the time they get to the scores, most of the pros and a decent handful of the stars are shooting some looks, and they’re cutting in close to Harry to avoid it.
8, 8, 9, 8. So this won’t send him home, I don’t think. I think he’s probably safe no matter what.
Man, this whole show took a turn.
We cut away to a feature by The Pack Drumline and they’ve been pretty cool the whole night. They’re legit. We’re gonna need the commercial break.
Ezra - Salsa - Hot in Here - Nelly
Ezra is a nerd. He’s just an Olympian nerd. So when he says he didn’t go to parties, I believe him, as a fellow nerd. It’s a really vulnerable moment, and I just relate to his dork soul. He has a kind of cool costume, but it is a bit dorky, and therefore adorable.
He manages to get out on the floor with swag, which is harder for dorks than most folks. He has nice hips, and shows off that he did in fact bedazzle his prosthetic, which is fantastic. Ballroom is one of those places you wear glitter and sequins like a badge of honor and he gets it.
It goes well enough, but I’m not sure it was standout for him.
Alfonso is going to throw it to the judges, but he’s looking kind of shellshocked from what happened last time.
Carrie goes first and you can feel the air leave the room, but she’s nice enough. Derek says he genuinely gets lost in Ezra’s performances and that he commands the stage and is in control. Joe was proud of the song choice, and that it was bright and light, and calls Ezra the “easiest guy to root for.”
Bruno says that it wasn’t hot, it was smoldering (But you know, say this by yelling it and stretching out the end for effect). He says there was good balance, good partner work, and that he hit the right accents. He praises hip action and smooth rotations, and has that genuine bemusement that he doesn’t know how he does it.
9 from Carrie (ok, i get it) , 9 Derek, Joe 9, Bruno 9
Now I’m feeling a little like we’re getting pandered to here, too. Time for the reveals: Safe Couples are Julia and Ezra, Maura and Mark, Jackson and Emma, Harry and Jenna, ,Amber and Pasha. Next safe are Ezra and Daniella, Jenna and Val, Tatyana and Jan, Connor and Rylee. Our bottom two are Guillermo and Tyler. For once, somehow, it’s how I figured it would be, only this version of Guillermo doesn’t feel like the one that goes home.
Sadly, this is that version, and we say farewell to Witney and Guillermo. I have a feeling they’ll be great friends still, and she’ll have it a little easier not continuing on in the competition when increasingly pregnant.
Let’s hit our Hates and Greats and we’ll call it a night:
Hates:
The Guillermo of It All : One of my initial reasons for hating the show was that I thought it hung on to bad dancers just because “ratings” and “likeability” and that it not only damages the show’s credibility but also turns into bad situations after all the “feel good” moments. And, well…yeah.
The Network of It All: They really don’t hide that they’re there to get eyes on all the other things the network is doing. Every week there’s something else they’re pushing. This week it was the NFL.
Rules: What are the rules? How much do we adhere to them? If we’re going to pull out the actual book, that kind of thing might need to be established.
Song Choice: Sometimes the song really hurts the dancer. I don’t think Lady Gaga worked well tonight, as an example, but there’s at least two a week that are like that.
Choreo: So, this one I think is on the pros. Because I think your pro is the one responsible for the choreo? And some dancers seem to choreograph the star out, or put them in the back in ways that I understand if you’re aware that their skill level is below yours and you’re dancing in your skill category - then sure, push the weaker link to the back, show off the strong side. But the stars are the stars of the show, so putting them in the background doesn’t help. Also, apparently choreographers breaking the rules can cause a lot of problems, but that’s not on the dancer, either.
Greats:
Save the Last Dance: I’m so glad they put that in there. It was the elephant in the room, Juilliard was kinda weird about it and had to quasi-apologize for being weird, and it’s nice to see her step above it and put it out there again for everyone in defiance of the criticism. She did great, and that was worth watching the whole season just to see for someone who’s been a fan of hers the whole time.
Rooting for You: Some of my struggle is that I don’t know when it’s a soft competition or an intense one. It seems like both at times. But it’s also a joy to be rooting for so many people. Usually even in “cozy” competition like the Great British Bake-Off the ranking is clear. But here: I really do want everyone to have a good time, get better at dancing, and have a really cool breakthrough moment.
Alfonso: I really like Alfonso Ribiero in this role. I was so very wrong before.
The Spectacle: I love the glitzy costumes, I love the fog machines, confetti, theme nights, and sequins. I love the stupidly elaborate set pieces. It’s fun to know you’re watching something so many other people are, and it’s fun to get in the conversations (as long as you remember it’s just for fun, and it’s just a show…) each week. I am getting to know the cheese.
Normally, that’d be it, but let’s address:
The Controversy:
Ok, reading my notes without bias to what happened next, I thought Carrie Ann was rather harsh in a way she usually isn’t to anyone, and it felt a little targeted.
I was surprised that Jenn (Val’s wife) said anything in response, but not because she shouldn’t have. Based on my notes for this article, at least two other couples did a samba, and there were lifts, so if she didn’t mention it then, then why mention it there? I could be wrong on some part of this, but I can’t find where I am.
Should Val have said what he said? No.
Do I know everything that went on there? Also no. It certainly seems like some things need addressing behind the scenes further than just between Val and Carrie Ann, though, that too.
I wonder how the rest of the season goes from here.
See you then! I’m gonna catch up, I swear!
Comments