Here's Your Halloween TV Commercials 'Lo-Fi Girl', Elder Millenials: Now Come Soothe Your Soul
As spooky as any of us want to be every October, sometimes real life sucks, and you're sad. Sometimes you still have to go to work and you can't wear a cape and fangs. Sometimes you need to put down the spoon and step away from the Boo Berries for a little bit because you actually need to eat something green. Sometimes you have a big boring project at work that you have to...listen. The point is, sometimes you want to feel spooky but you feel sad. Sometimes you miss how Halloween used to be.
This is the cure for that sort of melancholy, I promise. I have what some people consider a moral failing: a love for TV, and a love for commercials. Growing up I constantly got the disapproving eye from people who "didn't watch any screens at all" and "made a TV planter because that's how much TV we don't watch."
Not that it bothered me. Nope, didn't bother me at all.
The point is, sad spooky bats, sometimes you need a pick-me-up. And maybe there's other people out there who lived in a house where the TV was always on, whether it was because a relative was at home all day, it was company for you when you were feeling lonely or scared, or you just got home from work at 3 am and you're channel surfing because you're not yet relaxed enough to sleep.
The 90s was one of the best times ever for TV, I think. I realize I'm biased, but as we proved in a few articles in our 31 Days of Horror already, it was. And Halloween was better too. Because we really, really got into every single holiday, and so did every single store, tv station, toy brand, fast food restaurant, and muffler place? Yes, a muffler place that advertised for its low prices on mufflers with a mummy and the Invisible Man. That's magic. You call it rot going straight in your head all you want, but it was fairy dust.
I was originally going to feature just a few classic Halloween commercials, but instead of surfing through them I watched every single one on this compilation by 1990s .
There's Elvira for Blockbuster, Dracula is hocking TI-84s, and bags of Halloween Candy on sale for 1.88 at Target. For the whole. damn. bag.
There's an ad for a TNT Vampire Movie marathon on Halloween Night, and another with Yakko Warner pitching for Halloweekend, where there'd be special Halloween episodes of Animaniacs, Tiny Toons, Bobby's World and Gargoyles playing ALL.WEEKEND.LONG.
There was Monstervision.
And maybe that's what you need to turn your fangy little frown upside down, my friends.
Happy Halloween. Let the healing begin.
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