Hate Watch - Dancing with the Stars, Week 4: Mariah Week!

Ok, hang with me for a moment. When I started hate watching Dancing with the Stars I never said I could keep up with it. I mean, there’s a new episode once a week, and I can’t just binge it in one day either. Not only that, but you have to look at the TV the entire time so you don’t miss anything. This is very different than the TV I keep on for noise while I do things like edit articles and not do laundry. Well, I can do laundry and watch it. But that’s not the point. Anyway, let’s catch up, because I have one goal, and that is staying unspoiled from both Julia Stiles’ Save the Last Dance routine and her Heath Ledger tribute and seeing as this is me writing about Mariah Carey week when we just finished Dedication week - we have a problem.

In case you’re like me and not doing your laundry and watching every Tuesday, let’s review. Mariah Carey week was a weird theme. At least, that’s what I thought until I really thought about it. Turns out Mariah Carey surrounded me in my youth, and I’d just forgotten what an entire vibe she was/is. I really wish she would’ve showed up though, other than in a video. That’s a bummer. And honestly, how did they not have the budget for that?

Is someone going to do All I Want For Christmas (Is You?) Would that start a riot? 

I do love the sparkly jeans on the performers at the curtain drop. I think we’re gonna be in a glittery cotton candy world most of the night, and honestly, as a pit orchestra nerd, I love me some elaborate sets. They even changed the logo for tonight to add a Mariah Carey butterfly. And since you didn’t ask, let me tell you: this was the moment that made me remember I know almost EVERY Mariah Carey song that was ever on the radio a lot. So do most of the olds my age.

This was the point at which I also became proud of being alive at the time Mariah Carey was inescapable for more than Christmas songs. We need to remind everyone about Mariah. Teach the children. This is why this exists. 

As to some immediate hates: I still really dislike Julianne Hough as a host. It’s not that I dislike her. I’m sure she’s great. I just… she’s either awkward or overly hosty, and I can’t get into it. I’ve flipped my entire opinion of Alfonso Ribeiro on this show, meanwhile. I’d listen to him narrate a documentary, and not only do his dance chops turn out to have been as awesome as I suspected when I first saw him Carlton on Fresh Prince, it turns out he really bonded with the DWTS community when he was on the show (back when I wasn’t watching it at all)

I still feel like it’s weird Mariah didn’t come to her theme night.

Let’s talk performances:

Ciara Miller - Jazz - “Emotion”

We’re doing the high school romance thing. They’re preying on us  millennials here and it feels like pandering. Is it working? A little bit. I feel like they were a little stiff though. The lifts were cool.

Derek liked it but didn’t love it, Bruno praised a good storyline but didn’t seem super convinced about the rest and Carrie thought it was clean, polished and the best dance so far. I have in my notes “I agree here” but in retrospect I might disagree a little. 

They mentioned last week’s Tyler controversy (which seems so small in comparison to ALL THE CONTROVERSY I CAN’T YET MENTION CUZ I AM BEHIND)

They got all 7s, and I think that was appropriate. 

Ezra Frech - Rumba - "Anytime You Need a Friend"

This was a very smooth rumba, and I though there was good emotion in it. It seemed a little rocky here and there. Overall it was really good but not his best.

Bruno said he had a lot of charisma, and I think that’s just the default for Ezra.  He also mentioned his good frame, and I think that’s a key point to make.  Carrie said he was sexy and did a lot of great landings. If you think about the difficulty there I think that makes it even more impressive.  Derek said he was sophisticated and had great weight transfers. It’s almost like an Olympian would pay close attention to form.

Straight 8’s.  I’m happy for him because I think he’s truly great, but the first 8s of the season didn’t go to the best of what he does, I don’t think. Still, I’m not a dance judge, and rumba’s supposed to be pretty hard.

Harry Shum Jr. - Tango - "It’s Like That"

The real flex of this entire episode is Harry Shum’s, and that’s because he was IN THE MUSIC VIDEO FOR THAT? Do you even know how cool you’d have to be to be in a Mariah Carey music video? 9 year old me would tell you: the coolest.  Does this make it unfair? I guess not unless he tangoed in the OG video. 

I guess, according to the whole PR package before the dance, he was working a lot. His entrance didn’t seem super great, but if I’m looking at my “in show” notes, I said his frame was “fine” and the solo “wasn’t bad” which considering past weeks and my praise for him, does not compare. He did do some really athletic stuff towards the end.

Carrie thought it was “masterful” and I always disagree with her. But at least she seems nicer than last time? Derek says he was “sharp, powerful, precise” and ok, maybe I just didn’t like this one for some other, enigmatic reason. Bruno says it was a “red hot tango” and does that engine rev voice thing he does that excites or annoys all the people who until that moment had been kind of asleep since two commercial breaks ago.

Jenna DeWan - Rumba -  “My All”

Ok, so because I’m aware I’m behind and aware that Jenna DeWan is at the heart of the actual BIG controversy surrounding DWTS right now, I’m just going to give you what I wrote when this episode aired.

“I think Carrie was going hard on her last week (Yacht Rock week, so you know where I was at when writing this).  If anyone can help though it’s Val, and this dance will lend itself to it.”

“Pretty costume. Really pretty solo entrance. Maybe she is a little hard on attacks? But she did some great soft things here too. She’s really good though regardless. Her frame is gorgeous and she’s so elegant.”

Derek gave it a standing O, interjecting “There she is!” I thought she’d been there before, but he thought she was seeing feeling and good figures. Bruno praises her artistry - and I really agree with him most times. He also mentions how good her balance was. Carrie praised her for being vulnerable, taking their notes, and said she was in, and so happy for her. I thought this was a really nice moment between them.

Tyler Cameron - Foxtrot - "Beautiful"

Had a feeling this would be hard for him, and as he entered, I think I did see that he was still pretty awkward, but had a nice frame. 

Bruno said it was “proper, on time and an incredible improvement.” He might be leaning a little too nice, but it did seem proper and on time.  Carrie said his mom would be proud, and Derek said great frame (see?) and that there was much improvement and it was a great partnership. 

He gets straight 7s. First time for them. That’s nice. 

It’s at this point they tease a surprise guest judge for Super Bowl week. I don’t know who it is yet, two weeks after Super Bowl Week. I’m not good at this.

Maura Higgins - Waltz - "If It’s Over" 

This was pretty and floaty, and Maura held a really great frame. 

Carrie called it “beautiful” and Derek was happy that it was “no tricks, gimmicks - pure ballroom.” I agree. Ballroom is beautiful on its own, but that’s not really what we’re doing here, is it?

Bruno called the pair’s musicality “out of this world” and said Maura was “light” and “gorgeous” and I don’t disagree. 

There’s a 9! And two 8’s.  So, yeah, that was pretty excellent.

Guillermo - Samba - "Obsessed"

For some reason I thought they’d give him Fantasy, and I was waiting to be mad about it, both for him, and for Mariah. They didn’t though, so I was wrong.

There are SO MANY GIMMICKS HERE.

They don’t even choreograph him much. And OK, he’s super charming and that’s awesome and part of it is a popularity contest but that’s part of what I hate. And given all that, I couldn’t enjoy this.

Derek first points out it’s not a samba, and here’s my surprised face.

Bruno calls it a shamble not a samba, and says it was “something.”  That’s pretty harsh for him. Maybe he’s sick of the gimmick thing too.

Carrie says he’s dimming his light. 

The pair’s on the defensive though and already talks about how bright his light shines. Listen, he’s a fantastic, sweet man. He’s doing a lot, and I think he tries, but at this point I don’t think it’s even fair to him, nor really to the competition for him to keep being here.

4, 4, 5.  Somehow he’ll stay though.  This part kinda pisses me off.

Jackson Olson - Waltz - "Without You"

It’s his birthday! I forgot about his little controversy, which was him complaining about Guillermo still being on. Was it kinda mean? Yeah, but we saw in the socials or something they were hugging and past it, so let’s let bygones be bygones.

He’s going to need to be elegant and slow here but he’s prone to being cheesy, so I dunno. He gets off to a good start and doesn’t seem cheesy, but he gets a little funky/shaky. 

Bruno says he can see him in the music for the first time, Carrie says he was really “tapping” and Derek said there were some great moments but also some frame issues. Seems fair. And he gets straight 7s for it.

Tatyana Ali - Jazz - "Fantasy"

Ok, Tatyana got Fantasy. That’s amazing. And she’s so motivated, and silly. She mentions here that Mariah Carey was every little girl’s dream best friend and I’m gonna tell you she’s right. I was there. She was.

I LOVE HER OUTFIT. 

One of the lifts in this routine got scary for a moment. And while I want to be super into it, I’m more into her character than the dance. Alfonso says there was a little Janet (Jackson) in there and I see it too.

Carrie says she’s a great storyteller, but needs to hit moves a little harder. Derek says she’s blossoming but needs more impact, and Bruno says it’s cheeky but nice, and to push harder. Honestly, I’m in lock step with all the judges here, but I love her and I hope to see her go far.

Two 6’s and a 7, which might be a little harsh. That or I’m just really rooting for her.

Connor - Rumba - "Touch my Body"

So, it’s a rumba, and Connor’s gotta be sexy. And he gives golden retriever energy and I’m concerned. 

He’s trying really hard so I’m rooting for him. (Oh no, I’m rooting for everyone.) I’m not sure the choreo suited him that well. He did do a good job at not taking it silly. I really think choreo hurt him most here, and that’s not on him.

Derek sees him stepping into being a leading man, Bruno says he “went for it” and mentions foot placement, and Carrie says he was good but had a “dead hand” and in his committment lost the steps.  

He gets two 6’s and a 7, which I think is ok here.

Julia Stiles - Waltz - "Vision of Love"

This is a great song, and I really feel like she’s having fun even at the start. For someone who has frowny study face a lot of the time because she’s working so hard to get it perfect, this is a great thing.

She looks incredibly graceful and has good footwork.

Bruno says she had wonderful movement but got a little “hoppy” which I saw, but eh. Carrie says this was a breakthrough and welcomes her to the game.  This strikes me as a little cutting, but whatever.  Derek said she had gorgeous arms and tells her to breathe through.

She gets straight 7s and I think she deserved at least one 8.

Amber Glenn - Rumba - "Hero"

I had “not technically bad” as my first note here.  I also have “I hate this song choice for rumba” as my second note. The cover thing strikes again. She’s really muscular and capable of a lot.

Carrie calls her powerful and “divine in movement”, Derek tells her to put her shoulders down, and Bruno says she was stretched to the limit but never lost the flow. 

She gets two 7s and an 8, and I think I was too hard on her.

The End:

In the end, Ciara and Brandon are eliminated, which…again, I think should’ve been Guillermo. The audience loves him, but I almost feel like it’s condescending that they keep keeping him. I don’t think it’s better for the show.

So let’s hit the Hates and Greats:

Greats:

Alfonso Ribiero. I was wrong. He understands dance, the show, and is a fabulous host. 

The dancing (except Guillermo) - I love watching people truly improve. It’s really cool.

The themes: Am I coming around to themes? Am I having FUN with themes? I mean, I love a good theme in other things. Maybe I just had to surrender to the dork side.

Hates:

The Guillermo thing.  I don’t think it’s nice to keep someone around because they’re “funny” or “entertaining” in a contest.  It’s obvious they’re giving him something to do and he’s not participating. 

The popularity contest: See above, really, but also, you can’t make people vote a certain way, that’s not cool. I just really dislike situations where someone gets sent home that’s really got potential in favor of someone people “like.” 

Cover band strikes again - I mean, I just…can’t sometimes. Maybe this is why Mariah didn’t show, guys.

And that wraps it up for now. Until I immediately catch up so I can finally dish about what happened recently on DWTS. Does this mean I’m officially a fan?