Hate Watch, Volume 1: Dancing With The Stars Week 1

Alright:

I'm gonna say something controversial. I don't love hating on things. In fact, I think if you're a good reviewer/critic/journalist, you should be able, most of the time, to find the good in something.

I also don't like to yuck someone's yum. Art is objective. Things I hate you might like. After all, a lot of people in Britain don't get peanut butter and jelly. While I think it's insane they'd think the combination would be overly sweet and gross, they think it's insane it wouldn't be. And honestly? For some it might be. I like almost every vegetable and I just don't really get into sweet potatoes. But I'm trying. Sweet potato fries? West African Ground Nut Stew? Two things I really like that feature your friend and maybe mine, the yam.

Anyway, this took a rather foodish turn when I didn't mean it to. The point of Hate Watch isn't to watch something TO hate it, it's to examine the reasons why I thought I'd hate it and see if they hold true.

I envision this as a sort of "try a thing for a little bit and THEN you can say you hate it or not." And I figure most of the time, I'll end up at least seeing what other people see.

And I'm starting with Dancing With the Stars.

That's the controversial part, because so many people adore this show. 6.67 million for this season's premiere. That's Friends numbers, friends.

To start us off on this journey, here's my limited experience with the show: My mom and grandma loved it, and sometimes I'd sit in the same room and watch a little bit with them. Some seasons, some parts. Mostly not though.

So why was I hating?

10 Things (I Think) I Hate About Dancing With The Stars:

1. Shitty covers - Listen, I get the need for covers. I can appreciate the talent of the band. However...I really, really hated the covers in early years.

   
   

2. The stars - I don't hate the actual stars, mind you. I just prefer a competition be among people in the field. We'll get to that more later in this list

   
   

3. Cheesy hosts - Stupid puns, I love. Sometimes. Cheesy hosts, I tolerate. Less times.

   
   

4. Boomer coded - Why have I always felt like this show was not for me? I'm not sure. It's just felt boomer coded the whole time, and I can't exactly put my finger on why I felt that way.

   
   

5. Dancing as sport / lack of diverse genres - I love ballroom as much as the next person, but I also love ballet, hip-hop, tap, and a host of other genres. We don't really get that here. And I know, it's not the point, but the point is, I wish it was.

   
   

6. Character judges - Ok, lots of shows have that one judge with the catchphrase or the stupid gesture (or all of the above) that's practically a pre-packaged cringe meme, but DWTS? I feel like they're aiming for it.

   
   

7. Cheese. So much cheese. Ugh. Yes, ballroom is glitter and glamour and yes, these are celebrities and this is primetime TV for all ages, but holy cheeseballs, Batman.

   
   

8. The fall of Alfonso Ribiero. I think they've done him dirty in both this host role and the one on AFV. He could be so much funnier and more personable without the scripted one-liners.

   
   

9. Feeling old - either because I don't know who TF some of these people are or because I really do. Or because there's a 90s theme, but it's not a 90s theme, it's "music from the year you were born" theme and MOST OF THEM WERE BORN IN THE 90s." I'm so sorry, pass the Geritol.

   
   

10. My parents like it. I am petty.

    
    

11. Popularity contest potential : AKA America votes. I don't like that. Cuz it has nothing to do with skill and everything to do with popularity. Unless it doesn't. I have to trust the whole nation for that one though and I have trust issues.

    
    

12. So You Think You Can Dance was so much better. There. I said it - But hear me out. Diverse genres. Expert Judges (Ok, Mary Murphy was the meme/character judge but she knew of what she spoke.) Everyone had to dance outside their genre. They were all actually dancers.

Was that 10? Oh wow. It's actually 12. It was almost 13 Reasons Why in here.

What’s Not Fair:

I haven’t actually watched a single season all the way through, and I certainly pretended to watch a season or two with my mom and grandma and scrolled instead. Most of what I hate is assumptions that are based on passing observations and checking in and out of a show that was on in a room whose TV I didn’t control or a YouTube video I was watching.

What I’m Gonna Do About It:

I’m going to watch the whole damn season. It’s on streaming, so I don’t have to DVR it or be on my couch at a certain time. I have no excuse. 

Then What: Is it a redemption story or was I right all along? I guess we all find out at the same time.

Here’s the thing. I think Bruno isn’t a personality hire. I think he knows a lot more about all the things than the edits imply he does. Kinda like Mary Murphy on SYTYCD or Paula Abdul on American Idol. All actually brilliant, all reduced to memes and catchphrases or oversized gestures.

Also - we’ve got Giada De Laurentis and Julia Stiles, and I already missed Danielle Fishel last year. I just…I gotta see if she gets into Julliard. (Yes, I know. She didn’t even go there.)