Hate Watch - Dancing With the Stars Week 3 - Is This Yacht Rock Ship Sinking?

Marielle Bokor

22 hours ago

9 min read

So, it’s yacht rock night. And boy are they leaning into it. But you know what? I’m changing my mind some right at the introduction to the theme in the first few minutes of the broadcast. Why? Because sometimes leaning into something that’s polarizing is the exact right thing to do. And when some of us out there have criticized all the cheese that comes with Dancing With the Stars, they’re out here pouring it on thick. And I respect that.

We excel at cheese, let’s just bring all the cheese. I’m not even mad.

I love a good theme anyway. Why not have some fun?

Let's get into it:

Amber Glenn - Hold the Line - Foxtrot

Based on our first dance, Hold the Line with Amber Glenn, who’s almost accidentally broken a pro (the DRAMA!) they certainly created a really mesmerizing and fun to watch opener. Bruno mentioned the lilt and sway and I noticed that too. Really added the technique there. Carrie agrees. You can see them blending ice skating and dancing and I think it’s to good effect. The judges agreed and we get our first 8s of the season, putting them at 24. Damn. Way to start it out.

Julia Stiles - I Can't Go For That - Salsa

Julia Stiles is taking this SO SERIOUSLY. I get it because Julliard was all like “you don’t even go here” and all the dancing from Save the Last Dance has been making the rounds, and for the most part being criticized. In her interview, she even pointed out the ways directors protect actors from such things. Unfortunately, she’s also injured.

To me, at least at first, she looked too intensely focused, but she actually ended up looking like she was having some fun. And the judges mainly agree, with Bruno saying that she has some actual vibes, Carrie Ann agreeing she finally let go, and Derek simply saying “Julia’s back!”

I don’t know why she got 6s and 7s. I’d have at least figured she’d be all 7s.

Guillermo Rodriguez - Foxtrot - Escape - If you Like Pina Coladas

Do we think Guillermo’s a charity vote? I think a lot of people do.

I think he’s actually really trying but I don’t think he’s got long if he’s not able to really pull it out.

They’re kinda hiding him behind his pro and a lot of umbrellas, and I don’t think the music here works. Carrie Ann sort of points this out saying “You’re not really dancing for the judges,” which though sharp, seems accurate. Derek only mentions the umbrella flip. Bruno has dad jokes and mentions he’s at least attempting. He gets all 5s, which, I dunno. I’m on the fence with this. I might be hating. I just don’t know that whether he’s actually attempting or not, in a fair competition, he’d still be in. I don’t dislike him, but I don’t love what’s going on here.

Tatyana Ali - Quickstep - Maneater

So I hated last week’s Billie Eilish monstrosity, music wise. I’m hoping this is better for her. And luckily, it really is, and she brings the attitude for it. She really got the character nailed. She also has some crazy footwork- I honestly think she kills this one!

In a nice moment afterwards, Alfonso Ribiero seems genuinely excited for her and congratulates her earnestly. Derek says her footwork was good and coming from him that’s a real high praise. Bruno of course loves the character, and says she was smooth and precise. Carrie Ann seems like she’s looking for reasons to be negative. And I mean, ok, that’s judging, but sometimes she comes off like a mean girl.

We get a filler dance, which is honestly another commercial break for me - I don’t really get into them much. You’d think I’d love them since it’s pros with pros but it’s so obviously filler I just switch off.

Tatyana gets straight 7s, and I think she was robbed a little bit. She should’ve had at least one 8..

Now we have some sort of announcement about the sexiest dancer. I could not care less. There’s so much filler in these, and I’m not sure why, because I’m not against…sexiness in general, but I just feel like this is tacky. “They’ll put some motion in your ocean, ladies”

Bleh. This I hate.

Harry Shum - You Make My Dreams (Come True) - Jive

Next up we get Harry Shum with a jive, and I’m again not loving the adaptation of the music. Making things jive that don’t jive is not jive. You dig? I didn’t think this dance was spectacular but they loved it.

Lots of people imply he gets downvoted because he’s a ringer, since he has professional dance experience, and that sucks. I did think he’d do better last week so I get why they say that. He was definitely theatrical but I just wasn’t into it.

Taylor Hanson - What a Fool Believes - Foxtrot

This turned into the controversy of the week and I’m gonna share my unbiased notes here. I’d made a note he wasn’t good last week, and that this was gonna be a hard one, because foxtrot is demanding.

Then I put down “Just okay. Using props to cover things up.”

We already saw a foxtrot that was better this evening. Now, Derek says this was his best dance, but at least according to my notes in the moment this was still mid for me. Bruno says he needed more drive and I agree.

In between things, I’m noticing that I might have been hating incorrectly before, because Alfonso Ribiero seems really really good at this job. He seems a lot less cheesy and far more capable this episode. This is still not true of Julianne, but Alfonso seems less canned and much more personable.

Maybe that’s because he went through the experience from beginning to end, winning, and maybe it’s that he stayed tight with everyone after - or maybe he’s really talented and I wasn’t liking the lines he was given. But it seems a lot better now, and I’m thankful for it, because I always thought he was pretty talented.

As another aside, the costumes this week have been absolutely beautiful.

Maura - Turn Your Love Around - Quickstep

Another top couple is up. Maura’s looking good, and very elegant. She’s handling the frame and quick stepping really well, and once again, Alfonso seems genuinely proud of her.

The judges agree, for the most part, with Derek calling it a masterclass and praising her top line, and Bruno comparing her to golden age hollywood greats, also. I thought Carrie Ann was about to get on her for her top line but she didn’t.

Still, she got robbed on the score. I think full 8s were due here too.

Ciara Miller - Chacha - Never Too Much - Luther Vandross

Here’s me thinking to myself, when watching the behind the scenes package: She has an alter ego for this? It’s gonna be terrible or awesome.

Turns out I liked the character, though I did see a false start. After which she did a lot better. Was it fantastic though? No. Derek gave some good advice, and we landed on straight 6s.Given the others being so outstanding I don’t disagree..

Pasa Doble - Jackson Olson - Easy Lover

So, pasa doble and a Savanna Banana could be a problem. I mean, we can’t be funny, and Jackson seems to embrace the cheese more than almost anyone. Pasa doble is all aggressive and stuff. Can he do this?

I did see a little of it in there, and I will admit that sparkly baseball props speak to me. But he went overboard, and he never really kept a straight face. This distracted from the fact that he had a pretty nice frame, but he just couldn’t stop pulling faces.

Carrie criticized his musicality, and I agree. Derek said there were good moments but he needed to be more ferocious, which I worry isn’t in him, and Bruno said to work on artistry.

He gets all 6s, and I’m not mad about it, though I hope he does do better because I feel like he’s serious about getting better.

Suddenly, we’re talking about the sexiest TikToker, and Ugh, for real?

But also, I wonder here why we’re putting so many of the same dances together in one night. If it’s intentional, sure, if not, I”m not sure. I guess maybe I’m just picking at this point.

Connor Wood - Everywhere - Foxtrot

So, Connor’s up, and this wasn’t one of my favorite foxtrots, but the audience had a big reaction.

Derek had some complements, and Bruno seems to like the pairing, while Carrie had nothing much to say. They out sixed with two 7s and I’m not sure they should be where they are right now.

Jenna DeWan - Africa - Samba

To start with this is a cheesy costume choice, but I also dig it. They look fun and they’re having fun. But also, she’s killing it. As goofy as a samba to Africa by TOTO is, she pulls off being sexy– they do. I really enjoyed this. As the kids say, “I fear they ate.”

The judges are mostly in agreement on that, too. Bruno mentions great attacks, shoulders down and gets on some details but says she was fantastic. Derek likes it and mentions just how high the difficulty is. He wants to see smoother though. Carrie seems pissed she did this well, and mentions heel into foot, and that she stumbled, which, I honestly did not see. I’m starting to feel like Carrie’s the mean judge.

I also think for as good as all that was they’re being really hard on her. She does manage all 7s, but I dunno. I feel like it could’ve gone higher.

It’s here we find out that next week is Mariah Carey. Oh man. These themes are weird. Let’s see what happens then, right?

Tyler Cameron - Still the One - Jive

Maybe everyone should do the same dances the same week. I feel like jive and foxtrot are advanced and the people that get them earlier risk more. I’m still not feeling this jive either, and I’m not sure he did great.

Carrie Ann agrees because of course. She said they need to watch timing and connect more but that there’s still some good points. Derek adds to the attack notes. Bruno said he’s doing better, and while some people I guess consider him the soft judge, I think he’s fair. That 5 was cold though, Carrie Ann. I expected straight 6s. But at least we’re not at the bottom?

Ezra- Just the Two of Us - Foxtrot

Ok, I think Ezra is fantastic, but this is gonna be really hard with his prosthetic. He always goes 200 percent and wants to nail it just like anyone else would though, and he looks excited.

He looks excited and ready to bring it, and he’s honestly so good. Not good “considering” just good all around. And I love the changes they made to make the dance accessible.

Derek said he needs to move more across the floor but says he did a beautiful job, and Bruno praises his great poise, frame, and that arabesque. Carrie Ann just says that he makes them better judges and better people, which comes off pandering, and I feel like I just might not like her.

He’s all 7s, and I think someone could’ve thrown him an 8 here because this was gorgeous, but I’m not complaining so hard just yet.

Results:

When it all panned out with just the judges scores, I felt like the result was pretty expected, and even when I didn’t agree with them, the actual rankings seemed fine.

Thing is, once we add in the audience, it got a little wonky.

Jenna, Tyler, Maura, Sierra and Julia were top 5, Tatyana, Ezra, Amber, Harry and Conner were safe, and we had Guillermo, Jackson and Taylor in the bottom three.

Honestly if I had to pick someone tonight, I’d still pick Guillermo, but assuming he’s the popularity vote, which I still think he is, I’d pick Jackson.

Except it was Taylor, and honestly? That surprises me. And, yeah, he seems pissed, and so does his pro, Britt. This one felt like a shocker. He had potential to keep going, I think and it feels like he was robbed. And what I’ve gleaned from some digging tells me that Britt is a fan fave that people feel constantly gets paired with people that’ll keep her from the top (which, does that matter, because are they actually in competition in this show? I’m not sure).

I also saw a lot of people asking for the judge’s save to return for this.

So let’s hit those Hates and Greats:

Hates:

I still hate a lot of the music. Adapting pop music to become waltzes and foxtrots and things is already fraught, and I think a lot of times it distracts me from the actual dancing. I also just don’t feel like it’s particularly well done in most cases. It’s not the musician’s fault either, I just think that the arrangements are weird at best, awful at worst.

Julianne Hough annoys me. There, I said it. She’s just…some combination of clunky and overly zesty as a host. I heard she’s an amazing dancer, though, and I’m sure she’s a nice person.

Carrie Ann Inaba is starting to rub me the wrong way, and a lot of times it feels like she’s contentious instead of critical.

Fairness - I feel like there’s a lot of ways this competition isn’t particularly fair. At first it was just the audience participation and popularity contest of it all that got me, but the ringer and popularity vote thing mar it for me, too.

Greats:

I love seeing people improve. There was some sweeping improvement here on the parts of Julia Stiles, Tatyana Ali, and Amber Glenn, who killed it in that first dance.

Costuming: First off I love ballroom costumes in general because they’re so over the top and glamorous, but especially this week, they killed it in the costuming

Alfonso: While at first I was sad because it seemed like they placed him on cheesy host duty and gave him nothing but stupid dad jokes, at least this week he seemed like an enthusiastic participant and real person. And that’s nice.