31 Days of Horror: Genuinely Horrifying Foods

Horror isn’t just a genre; it’s an amalgamation of pop culture, cozy traditions, and things that go bump in the night. This year, we're taking our 31 Days of Horror across the entire cultural spectrum. We’ll be taking a look at movies that scare us, games that kept us paranoid, scary books we cozy up with under blankets, music that sets that spooky tone and seasonal food we’re craving–or strange food you’d have to tie us up and force feed us. Whether you’re looking for something truly terrifying or a cozy autumn haunt, come back every day this month for a new bite-sized review or spooky adjacent list.

Last week, we compiled you a nice list of foods that LOOK scary (or festive) but won’t actually kill you, repulse you or otherwise harm you. But if you thought we were stopping there, you’re wrong. This week, let’s take a look at foods that are actually horrifying in concept/appearance or for some other reason.

I’d like to take one moment here to say what I hope is obvious to those of us adults living and eating in the wide world - it’s not nice to yuck other people’s yums. Just because the concept of something disgusts us here in the Western world (or outright frightens us) doesn’t mean that thing isn’t delicious or even a prized delicacy elsewhere. Still, there are certainly things that, if put on my plate, might make me run in the other direction.

We skipped a lot of the usuals (save for one, because we just can’t not have it on this list) and threw in some curve balls you might not know about. Now, this should also go without saying, but …don’t die. Some of these things are fine to eat, some of them are dangerous to eat, and it behooves you to know the difference.  

Head Cheese

Now, lots of us are dairy enthusiasts. I’d hardly kick a cheese off my plate, and rarely do. But head cheese, while cheese in nomenclature, is actually not really cheese. It is, instead, a sort of jellied loaf of pig’s head meat. As it turns out, pork heads have high collagen content, and if you simmer the interior meat of the head, it’ll form a nice gelatin and bind together. Sometimes this is accompanied by aromatics, herbs and spices, or vinegar. 

I don’t love the idea of it, but in all honesty, it’s not so bad, especially if spiced nicely. It’s just a weird concept, and akin to so many jello aspics that never should have existed in the first place. We’ll come back to that later.

Escamoles

I am a fan of just about anything I can get my hands on that any good Mexican cook can cook. I’m not 100 percent on escamoles though, which are black ant eggs that are boiled, cooked in soups or otherwise added to things like guac. Now, I can’t say I’ve tried them, it’s just that larvae isn’t really in my culinary dictionary as something delightful to find on my plate. Maybe I’ll change my mind though. 

Geoducks

Look, these are just a jumpscare. I’ve seen ‘em on Iron Chef, and I know they’re probably pretty great. They’re served in a lot of fine dining situations but, come on. Look at them.  I mean really, really look at them. They’re giant clams, and I mean, I wouldn’t just be like “Oh boy, let’s eat that!” 

Rhubarb Leaves

Ok, so these don’t look scary. And some people actually say they’re not scary. After all, rhubarb is perfectly fine and great for pies and such. However, the leaves of the rhubarb plant contain toxins that at the best will have you spending way too much time in the bathroom being really unhappy. At worst, kidney damage. So..let’s just leave the leaves, and keep on keeping on with those magenta stalks, eh?

Octopus

Here’s the thing. Octopus is good. I mean really. I’ve had the tiny ones at sushi places, and I’ve had it in other things. It’s just this. Octopi/octopodes can play the piano. They’re really smart. And to be really fair, unless they’re tiny, the tentacle suckers are kinda a no from me, dawg. Beyond that though, what if they have a very ancient, very powerful Old friend.  I think that’s reason enough to be a little concerned indulging in these 8 legged friends

Fried Spiders

This is not about me, but it’s a little about me. I have had a very hard time accepting spiders in my vicinity. I realize they’re our friends, on some level, but I’d like them to be my friends from pretty far away. I’ve overcome my major arachnophobia thanks to a scientist at the Field Museum who actually used a 9 year old child with arachnophobia who’d confronted her fear ahead of me in line to hold a tarantula to get me to do it, too. And I ended liking the pink toed tarantula that would later also hang out on the top of my head, where I was warned not to move too fast so I don’t upset her. Great. 

I do not, and I repeat, do not, want them on my plate. Especially the big tarantulas, not only because of my friend Rosie from the museum, but also because no no no no no. I don’t want one in the shower at the same time as me, and I don’t want one as a street food. I’m sorry. I will be abstaining should I find myself in Cambodia where these are popular.

Nutmeg

Ok, I’m gonna need you to put down the pumpkin spice latte for this one, friends. Nutmeg is in ALL THE THINGS. Especially right now, where the PSL is king. It’s one of the best things in a lot of really great spiced things, including pumpkin pie and carrot cake and…yeah.  I mean, Alton Brown wears one around his neck so he has it in case of emergency. 

But did you know that in large doses, it can actually really toxic? It’s true. It’s capable of causing nausea and breathing difficulty or even a long lasting psychosis when taken in extremely large doses. So maybe just don’t do that, then?

Aspics

Like I said before, it seems like mid century America had a real problem with Jell-O. Mostly that they found really inappropriate things to suspend in it. I’ve encountered at least a few of these in my time growing up with my Polish relatives, including lime jello with radish (why is it always lime jello?) and various other Jello with celery or other chunks of things I’d much rather be left out.

I wanted to find the worst offender, and according to my research, here it is. This horror graced the pages of Southern Living back in 1973 and included lime jello, raw shrimp, horseradish, and cottage cheese. There are other ingredients, but I need to make dinner soon.

Might be a hot take, but I think we should leave meat (especially raw meat!) out of jello stuff. OK?  Ok.

Mushrooms that WILL NOT kill you that look just like Mushrooms that WILL kill you

Mushrooms are fantastic. And possibly immortal. But they’re umami bombs, and there’s almost nothing I like more than a stuffed mushroom, mushrooms sauteed in butter, or the Polish mushroom soup I grew up on.  I’ll take ‘em anywhere I can get them, and that means I’m always curious if the mushrooms I saw on my hike will kill me or make me very very happy. The thing that keeps me from going after it? 

Chanterelle vs Jack O’ Lantern mushrooms - These mushrooms are nearly identical. But one’s orange and one’s yellow, you say. Willing to bet your life on your definition of orange vs. yellow when there’s more than the 64 colors in your crayon box in the world?

Or there’s death caps vs field mushrooms. Or cute little button mushrooms vs a mushroom called the Destroying Angel. And yes, some of these will absolutely kill you. If you have the guidance of a professional forager, go for it, and find yourself some free fungi that’ll go great in all your recipes, but if not…I’d just shell out for the lions manes and shiitake in your produce department and be happy you don’t have to wait to see if you die.

Casu Marzu

Italians are renowned for their cooking. When you watch Giada or Stanley Tucci or just about anyone stroll through those ancient streets and sit down at a table, you’re sure to be delighted at what you find there.  Tomatoes so perfect they’ll make you cry. Big wheels of parmesan. Balsamic vinegar that’s so prized it’s in a bottle as expensive as what’s inside. The list goes on. 

But what it doesn’t include (partially because it’s illegal in the EU) is casu marzu. And speaking of not including it, I almost didn’t because I do not want to post a picture of it nor think about it at all. On top of that it’s on almost every list. But that’s because I just do not know how anyone can stomach it. And apparently it’s divine. That may be true, but this cheese is intentionally infected with fly larvae, and then the resulting maggots get to eat and live in there until the center of the originally hard cheese takes on a soupy texture. Oh my god. I apologize. I might be off cheese for a little while.

Anyway, that should’ve finished you off for the horrifying foods, and I’m gonna go think of things that aren’t that.

Join us for even more stomach churning horror in film, game, tv and …everything else form.

Here’s a picture of a kitten as a palate cleanser.

Goodnight.